With the Eliza Cup season just around the corner our reporters have been called back into the office to actually do some work. Today they went to Brisbane to Interview the Eliza's 2nd favourite manager from Queensland, Sauce. 9:01am in the Brisbane Suburb of Ashgrove, polarizing figure in the Eliza, Sauce has just arrived for work to a job he used to love, however the last 6 months he has found challenging. "Daniel" said a voice from the shadows of the room, Sauce flinched said an expletive and spilled his coffee over himself. "Fuck sakes I've told you to stop doing that!" "I'm sorry I can't help it, I just noticed you're late is all, you seem to be ignoring my advice about showing up to work 10 minutes before start time" said former opposition leader Peter Dutton emerging from the shadows in a menacing way. "I'm going to have to tell the board about this Dan... That is unless you want to hang out with me today, I bought us the switch 2 and the new Mario Kart World, it looks pretty cool, it's open world with all the courses connected, but I shotgun playing as Bowser!" "No Peter I've got work to do mate, I can't just baby sit you all the time." said Sauce while looking into his computer screen and typing like he was sending emails. "Oh ok, I thought I thought you were enjoying spending time with me, I didn't realise you saw it that way" replied Peter. Sauce now feeling bad apologised "look Peter I'm sorry, I've enjoyed playing with you in the nets, and you're getting better! But I really have some work to do, boring work, invoices and stuff and I just want buckle down and get through it, maybe next week mate!" "Ok mate, and don't worry, I won't tell the board about you being 1 minute late, you're a real friend" said Dutton wiping tears from his eyes as he slumped out. While walking out Usman Khawaja passed him in the hallway,

"Peter, are you ok mate?"
"Get away from me you immagrant" Said Dutton 'oh c'mon, Pete I thought we were starting to become friends!' "A friend doesn't council with the enemy" 'Enemy? Oh you mean my meeting with Albo? Peter don't be like that" Dutton slammed the door and he was gone. "Don't mind Spud Uss he's just pissed I couldn't handle dealing with him another day, C'mon in check what he got us" said Sauce holding up the Nintendo switch 2 and Mario Kart World. 'oh choice! I shotgun Bowser!' While the boys were playing Mario kart our reporters had a chance to ask Sauce about his off season. "Yeah nah, I don't have really any work on, once I've got all our sponsors after that all I've got to do is organise the kits and the rest of the time I play PlayStation or have a hit in the nets. It has been pretty hard for Spuddie the last 6 months since he lost his seat, apparently they Libs kicked him from the WhatsApp group the day after the election, completely ghosted him" (said Sauce while selecting King Boo and laughing). "But it's been hard for me, the board has asked me to look after him cause he doesn't really have any friends outside the cricket club now politics are gone. I suggested he go help his wife with their child care company, I drove him there but oooooo you blue shelled me, I guess terrorism just runs in your family Ussie!" Said Sauce with both men seeing the funny side and laughing. "Anyway I drove him there dropped him off and as soon he walked in all the kids just started screaming, some of them were as white as ghosts and vomiting, he just seems to have that effect on people" Our reporter then asked Usman what is it was like having Peter Dutton around the club. "Oh hes harmless, a bit of a laugh actually, we got him to pad up the other day and he faced up front on hahah" Usman then asked our reporter "who would you rather bang out of princess Peach and Daisy?"

This follows the shocking assassination of conservative political commentator Charlie Kirk who was unequivocally loved by all (Rest in power, Charlie) bar extremist lefties. One of those extremist lefties is Cipppprianis AFA running mate Christian Gaveidilis a bi sexual man who has made around 30 anti Kirk posts on Facebook in the last 24 hours, he also owns 9 cats. The other running mate is Anthony 'Commie' Cowie a raving lunatic who is openly a revolutionary socialist, along with his military experience many in the Eliza believe he would be by far the most likley person in the Eliza Cup to carry out such an assassination.  Questions now have to be asked of the commissioner with many in the league stating it's untenable for him to have these extremist links.  Some close to Cipppriani claim he has been uncomfortable with the direction of AFA for a long time. Particularly with fellow division 1 manager Cowie who he has clashed heads with multiple times. Some claim Cippa has been making racist comments on purpose in an effort to be terminated of his contract. These reports suggest Cippa has wanted to leave the AFA but is locked into a 99 year deal, having been allegedly told "once you're in the AFA, you don't leave it" in a chilling cult like statement.  Our journalists have found evidence to not only suggest that's untrue that he wanted to leave but that Cippa is also a dirty red in disguise.  6 weeks ago on Facebook Cowie tagged Cippppppppriani in a leftwing page 'Working class history'. The post was about violent socialist terrorists called 'Anti Facist action', yes you read that right (AFA). Cowie commented "Ywoo AFA" while tagging Cippa, Cipppriani reacted positively further incriminating him. 

In a stunning display of cunning and ruthlessness, Anthony Cipriani has thrown down the gauntlet in the world of fantasy A-League. Sources close to the situation have revealed that Cipriani has secretly joined not one, not two, but SEVEN Eastern European fantasy soccer leagues, trying to take advantage of the demise (which he may or may not have had a hand in) of the Sportsdeck platform! "But what business does Cipriani have in building a Slovenian fantasy team?" you ask. Insiders claim Cipriani is on a mission to gain a competitive edge over his arch-nemesis, Ayden Pironelli, in the prestigious Eliza Cup. By infiltrating these obscure leagues, Cipriani aims to exploit loopholes, and manipulate player prices by talking to the app developer pre season. "He's like a fantasy soccer dictator" says a rival player, who wished to remain anonymous. "He's gathering information, building alliances, and striking when least expected. We're all on high alert!" Cipriani's daring move has sent shockwaves throughout the fantasy soccer community. Some have hailed him as a clever maniac, while others have denounced him as a ruthless opportunist. "This is a clear case of gamesmanship," fumes Eliza Cup hopeful commissioner, Sam Barnes. "We'll be keeping a close eye on Cipriani's activities. If he's found to be exploiting loopholes or engaging in unsportsmanlike conduct, there will be consequences!" As the fantasy soccer world waits with bated breath to see how Cipriani's plan unfolds, one thing is certain: the Eliza Cup just got a whole lot more interesting! STAY TUNED FOR FURTHER UPDATES ON THIS DEVELOPING STORY!